Nancy's Story
Sometimes losing friends can be a positive, though painful impetus for change and growth. When they fade with time, it's ok, but I've never had one who called off our friendship as though it were some kind of guy thing. I've never had anyone block my phone calls, at least I assume that was what the funny sound was when I tried to call a couple of times.
I could feel our relationship deteriorating months before but I could not put my finger on it. She has had a long history of cutting people out of her life.
Apparently I have not been sensitive in the way that she would like when she informed me that I invalidate her. At the time I did not think to ask her for details but I did express that I was sorry and would be more aware of it in the future.
I assumed that my invalidating was just part of my brash nature...I would never knowingly say (or not say) anything to jeopardize our friendship!
I have agonized over whether or not to write her some kind of letter, but also realize that it we will never have the same depth of communication as most likely she will have a guard up and I will be walking on eggshells.
At church I find myself looking around for her, would I say "Hello'? Of course I would.
Then there was Marion. We developed a great friendship, I still miss her, especially during hot summer days on a blanket in the yard, when she was weaning her baby and I had a horrible urge to expose my breasts to the little guy. I told her about it and we had a great laugh.
But her husband worked in the same office as mine (we had introduced them) and the word was that he was going to be fired.
I_ was the one who felt I should back off........she was always very inquisitive about the inner working of the office and I was put in the very uncomfortable position of having this knowledge that I felt wasn't my place to divulge, especially since her husband had received adequate
warning as to what he needed to improve upon.
Years later we happened to meet at a large gathering......we both cried and I told her why I felt it necessary to hang our relationship in the woodwork, but I don't think her husband believed that mine was not the appointed Axe man so we still do not have our friendship restored.
There have been others, though not my personal friends in this particular office setting that for years have thought that my husband was the source of their demise of employment. Though he was always in a position of authority he was not always the one who had the last word; company protocol was the law.
There are others. Some of them can be explained away, some of them just fade. But the ones that are painful are the ones with history, the ones with depth and length and breadth, the ones you never discuss the details of your mutual ruminations to anyone else.